Memorable Tumblr Puns
Memorable Tumblr Puns
a big wooden rib cage with giant organ shaped pillows. like body pillow sized memory foam lungs. an insulated stomach to keep ur cold and hot snacks in. a plush snuggle heart. beanbag kidneys. you climb in from the top and squish in between the organs and play video games.
This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:
I’m a buff nation that can dance like a man!
I can shake-a my fanny, I can shake-a my can!
I’m a tough tootin’ nation!
I can punch-a yo buns, punch-a yo buns!
I can punch all yo buns!
If you’re a limey Brit, I will punch you for fun! :D
Ok, I know he technically wasn’t a nation at the time but I couldn’t resist. xD Reference from here: link
OH NO I’M EATING TWYX OH NOOOOO
HOW COULD YOU???
Ah, Alfred. The snark is strong with you.
The Kea; The worlds only snow-inhabiting parrots, they live in the alpine environments of the south island of New Zealand, and they are thought to be the Smartest parrots in the world, so smart that they are put up there with Chimpanzees and Dolphins.
Scientists have set up many puzzles which have determined that Keas are one of the best problem solvers, even when completely wild. Demonstrating group coordination, where one of them would hold open a lever while the other gets the food out, then they share!
Watch this David Attenborough documentary, “Kea - The Smartest Parrot" skip to 6 minutes in if you just want to watch them dismantle puzzles set up by researchers.
They are so smart that they actually get bored with their daily lives of gathering food and making babies, and so they play games, which residents surrounding Mt. Cook despise as it usually involves taking apart cars, TV aerials, and other things that are usually expensive to replace.
Kill Bill technically takes place in the same universe as Spy Kids just so you all know
how do you figure that
Confused husky pup
He’s not expressing confusion, he’s tilting his head for better sound localization. While having an ear on each side of the head is good for lateral echolocation, tilting the head so that the ears are offset gives it vertical depth.
tumblr we found a weird leaf what kind of leaf is this
all the leaves on the tree were like this, some of them looked more like dicks than others (im sorry for not getting a more phallic leaf, dad picked it not me)
we live in colorado but it is not a common tree here we found it in someone’s yard on a walk and stopped to look at it like the fuck is you
I love when people randomly follow me because I assume they’ve just seen something I said and went “ah yes. This nerd seems particularly strange. Let’s see what else it does”
Hamster make breakfast
Hamster drive car
Hamster make tea with frend
Hamster plan dinner party
Hamster have Birfday
Hamster love life
Hamster happy to be live
Hamster love you